EGO and FEAR

I know if I blog about fear one more time, my blogger followers are going to abandon me, but it is hard not too. Fear is something I struggle with more and more in my life. I keep believing and having FAITH in GOD, to push all the fears aside. However, it is hard out here for a pimp!

I will start by saying, that I hate blogging about auditions, however, this entry IS about an audition. Everyone knows one of my dream roles is Simba in the Lion King! So I went in for Simba about two weeks, ago. I got a callback for Simba, and was so excited, and all prayed up. Studied the material, had my acting objectives, beats, tactics, everything. I even did some research for the role. I coached with my vocal coach on that song. Which is a very tough song, it needs lots of breathe support, and pacing, so that you make it through. J.R. was ready to break out of the chorus and make his dream role come to life. When I finished doing all the material, I was told "My acting was great, but the song sounded like a pop gospel song". I needed to sing the whole song with straight tone, and no vibrato, and thinking more African then pop rock! OK I said, do you know how hard it is to sing with no vibrato? I sounded like a thirteen year old boy in the Harlem boys choir. I was so focused on the singing, that all the acting I rehearsed went out of the window, and my emotional connection, that was in tact the first time, was completely lost! Then the bad news came, I was told that they wanted a bigger sound at the end. "What"? "A bigger sound?" "I am belting my face off", (so I thought)! Then after all that, I will not be attending the final call for the creative team. I was told " We will call you back in for us, in six months"! "I think you are so right for the role, but I want you to work on singing in straight tone, and finding a bigger sound"! "Then come back in for us"! OUCH!!!!! My ego was in full swing now, I left thinking I'm not going back in for that show. F**K YOU (sorry for the language, but you needed to know how I was feeling)! Then a friend told me to look at this as a challenge, and work on it, "they like you" she said, go back in six months and give them what they want. I didn't want to hear that at the time, so I said "NO, I will not be waisting my time with that"! Today on the tread mill, I realized that FEAR again had kicked in, and I became afraid of failure, and not being able to produce what they wanted. That fear, made my ego, turn into a fierce monster. I want to thank my friend, for the encouragement as she was so accurate. I know now, that my dream is not dead, and Simba will be mine! Thank you GOD, for giving me FAITH, and thank you sound mind, for giving me the courage to admit what was going on in my crazy head!

The Bake Sale

The poor kids families want to do a bake sale, and due to childhood obesity they are banning the sale! This is the most stupid thing I have ever heard in my life. One bake sale to raise money, is not going to stop fat kids from eating! I think they need to come up with a more realistic plan. I personally love a good bake sale, and as child, I was as thin as could be. I also loved the fact that it raised so much money for us less fortunate kids to be able to have computers, and go on amazing trips! Childhood obesity needs to start at home with love, and with a family. It has nothing to do with a bake sale. I am appalled to even see this story on the news!

Grandma Can Sang!

I was sitting today at church, the youth choir, was singing, they did a hip hop number, they did a mime, and they did a small drama piece! It was very inspiring, and I love watching the youth sang! However, this blog entry is about grandma who decided to belt it out next to me while the youth was singing! This women, took the lead as if it was her solo. She had to be like 90 years old. She decided to even add her own ad libs, she clapped, jumped, and I felt her energy, as she rocked the church! She was awesome, and her voice was stunning, vibrato was a little slow, but she sang for the blood of Jesus! You would have thought you were standing next to Ella Fitzgerald! I was so inspired by the youth and the old! Grandma better SANG!

Am I in Elementary School Again?

I am in class, five days a week, as most of you know! On Tuesday and Thursday, I have a class called vocal production, which deals with your personal speech, breathe support, and diction. I was in class this week, and honestly, was bored to tears. We were doing monologues for speech, and not for acting intentions. BORING!!!! Don't get me wrong, I'm sure I could be learning a ton from listening to other folks speech problems. However, my old ass, really didn't care, and I know that is terrible! The old professional who has the most extensive resume in the class, is slacking. I just have to be honest, and that is how I felt, BORED! Now mind you, I have many speech issues my dog on self. I should be paying close attention, but I still don't care. However, my speech problems, has not affected me working, and being able to sustain an eight show a week schedule! Listening to my other class mates, made me watch the clock tick tock very slowly! Therefore, I sat next to a beautiful young actress named Molly!. We decided to pass silly notes back and forth. The fear of getting caught was fun. The giggling under my breathe, and drawing silly pictures made me smile. It also made the time go by faster. I felt like I was in 5Th grade passing notes across the room. I guess my school attitude is still the same and I'm not perfect! I have always been the type that if you don't really challenge me, then, my attention goes out the window. I also don't agree with my teacher much, and this stems from being in my 30's, having worked a ton, knowing what I want, and knowing who I am. I have many opinions about the business and tried many different things, I know what works for me, therefore it is hard to break down my views. Oh, elementary school here I go again! I will say that this class has helped my breathing and breathe support. It is amazing how freely I am singing in auditions, with such ease, and I will credit my vocal production class for that. I am still obsessed and loving my acting portion of the schooling! I love it, and I'm constantly learning new things about myself! I'm also happy I had the passing note session the other day in class, cause I can use that "youthful feeling" again, if I am ever playing a character who needed that boredom, and angst!

My First Love

There are pictures of me, banging on the keys of a piano at 3 years old. At 8 my mom made me take tap dance lessons, because she says I loved to danced, and I would dance off the beat. She thought maybe tap would give me some rhythm. I sang "The Greatest Love of All" in the 5Th grade talent show! I was obsessed with Solid Gold, and when I saw them dance, I wanted to do that, as I pointed at the t.v. and danced around the living room. I would write plays for my brother's and sisters to put on for the family. I was the writer, the director, and starred in them all. I got out of the public school system, and went to the Junior High School for the performing arts, where I was a vocal major. I then graduated to the High School for the performing arts, because I had done the musical "The WIz', and "The Boyfriend", and decided I wanted to be an actor. In High School, for two years I was a musical theater major, my junior year, I switched to the dance department just to strengthen my technique. My senior year, I moved back to the theater department. I trained everyday after school at the Pittsburgh Civic Light Opera Academy, where I took ballet, jazz, acting, voice lessons, voice and speech, and tap. On Saturday's I would go to the Center for the musical talented, and I would have another voice lesson, musical theater class, music theory, and sing in a big choir. I was a Civic Light Opera mini-star where I performed all over the city of Pittsburgh, with other kids, singing and dancing in revue type shows. I then went on to Niagara University on a full scholarship to study acting. The program wasn't intense enough for me, so I left and transferred to The Boston Conservatory. I moved to New York City, struggled for a bit, then booked many Broadway Tours, European Company's, Broadway Shows, Regional Theater Gigs, Cruise Ships, Soap Operas and Movies. I'm back in school training more as an actor, and taking everything back in, and trying to perfect the craft I have chosen. I am an entertainer, a actor, a singer, I dance, and that is always my first love. HAPPY VALENTINES DAY MY LOVE!

Temple Grandin

I watched this movie called "Temple Grandin" on HBO, the other evening. It is about a young genius who has autism! How she views the world with autism, and her struggle to be "normal" in life! You truly throughout the movie had a chance to see Temple through her eyes. It was beautifully filmed, and informative! I loved this flick, the talent, the writing, the visuals, and the pure inspiration of the film! I don't know much about autism, but this has opened my eyes in such a stunning light. I am always a sucker for a true story, therefore this tugged at my heart strings. HBO, always know how to pick some innovative, yet, good stuff, that has an awesome message.

Now to the star of this flick, Claire Danes, her performance is riveting! Every time I see Mrs. Danes in a film, I become more of a fan. Her work was so extensive, researched, honest, stunning, and brilliant! I loved watching the choices she made, and how well, she comes up with such an extraordinary character. It is harder sometimes to play, someone who was living and real! To do that life justice, stay true to the essences of that persons character, and yet stay out of your head, and do some awesome work. The purity of Claire of Danes, has put her to the top of my list of great a actor!

To Be Young Gifted and Black

I watched the BET honors tonight, I had to tivo them, because I missed the show when it aired! I also not so long ago watched The BET Gospel Celebration. During both telecasts, my mind became clear, and inspired. I felt an surge inside of me, a happiness, and a spirit that shook my body, and took a hold of me. A connection to a people, that I sometimes feel so much disconnect with. It is a gift from GOD, to be an African American male. People try to make me something I'm not, because of my skin color, hair and look. J.R. Whittington is an African American, proud to claim it and shout it from the roof tops! I felt joy, and a ball of happiness tonight, in my heritage, and where I come from. Yes, people may try to put me down, but I love who I am! A connection to my culture, has tugged at my heart. Watching P Diddy, yes I said P. Diddy, speech on The BET Honors, reminded me so much of who I am, and where I come from. If you get a chance to "you tube" it, please do so. Watching Black Folks, dancing in the audience, idols singing there hearts out, families uniting, folks acting a fool, tears in there eyes, love spread all around, laughter, beautiful spread noses, nice pink full lips, many complexions, afros, braids, short hair, long, pride, joy, happiness! This blog entry is to just a simple shout out to the world, THAT I AM YOUNG GIFTED AND BLACK, AND PROUD OF IT!

Taylor Swift

This young beautiful blonde who was tortured by Kanye West, and who is winning accolades for her debut album, I had no opinion of! Except my heart went out to her, and thought why is Mr. West messing with this poor little girl. Although the whole situation made me laugh, and I did agree completely with Kanye's statement, because no matter how you put it, "Ring On It", by Beyonce Knowles revolutionized music video's. I have never seen so many "you tubes" of one song, she caused mania, and it was amazing what Beyonce did with that video. Taking all of Fosse's old dances and mixing it with contemporary was genius. It was a music video awards show right? However that is a whole different story. Back to our young teen Mrs. Taylor Swift, who recently won the big award on Grammy night, album of the year. J.R. Whittington has now formed an opinion on our countries little sweetheart! Yes I think she is cute, and the songs she written, (which is a talent, for a young girl), or catchy and cute as well. However, and this a big HOWEVER, I was appalled to find out that she can't sing! I had no idea, that the girl, that everyone is fighting for, sings completely off the pitch. WOW, as I was appalled last Sunday night watching the Grammy Awards. Her singing was the worse thing I had ever heard in my career. Making Brittany Spears sound like she can sing like Barbara Streisand! I felt so bad for the girl, up there giving US, bad karaoke to her own music. I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, by saying, "yeah she is having a bad night". "She went sharp and flat a little a couple times". "The venue was big, and she couldn't hear herself". Those are excuses I would give to someone who hit one or two bad notes. HOWEVER, I can't even do that for the poor child, she would sing whole phrases off the pitch, and her voice had no resonating sound, or inkling of talent that "swifted" out of that dried up talent free throat. I'm sad I'm bashing the poor little girl, and I wish her continued success, but it is my blog, and sometimes I like to vent about our industry. Ex specially when I can name over 50 blonde's right now, who can write music, are struggling artist, and can sing rings around Taylor Swift! Mrs. Swift, I like to be proven wrong, and I truly hope you deserved your accolades, but I have a feeling I won't be proven wrong! Well, we shall see what the future beholds. Taylor you have to run home to the bank, cash in, because boo, you got a ton of work to do. Grammy Voter's I can't blame you, I guess you can't hear that Taylor can't sing, with "pro tools" as her best friend!


P.S. you should all check out Kelly Clarkson Blog! She had an awesome response, because some comment was made by Taylor Swifts People, after she commented on Taylor's horrible performance! I love Kelly Clarkson! iamkelly.wordpress.com