I know if I blog about fear one more time, my blogger followers are going to abandon me, but it is hard not too. Fear is something I struggle with more and more in my life. I keep believing and having FAITH in GOD, to push all the fears aside. However, it is hard out here for a pimp!
I will start by saying, that I hate blogging about auditions, however, this entry IS about an audition. Everyone knows one of my dream roles is Simba in the Lion King! So I went in for Simba about two weeks, ago. I got a callback for Simba, and was so excited, and all prayed up. Studied the material, had my acting objectives, beats, tactics, everything. I even did some research for the role. I coached with my vocal coach on that song. Which is a very tough song, it needs lots of breathe support, and pacing, so that you make it through. J.R. was ready to break out of the chorus and make his dream role come to life. When I finished doing all the material, I was told "My acting was great, but the song sounded like a pop gospel song". I needed to sing the whole song with straight tone, and no vibrato, and thinking more African then pop rock! OK I said, do you know how hard it is to sing with no vibrato? I sounded like a thirteen year old boy in the Harlem boys choir. I was so focused on the singing, that all the acting I rehearsed went out of the window, and my emotional connection, that was in tact the first time, was completely lost! Then the bad news came, I was told that they wanted a bigger sound at the end. "What"? "A bigger sound?" "I am belting my face off", (so I thought)! Then after all that, I will not be attending the final call for the creative team. I was told " We will call you back in for us, in six months"! "I think you are so right for the role, but I want you to work on singing in straight tone, and finding a bigger sound"! "Then come back in for us"! OUCH!!!!! My ego was in full swing now, I left thinking I'm not going back in for that show. F**K YOU (sorry for the language, but you needed to know how I was feeling)! Then a friend told me to look at this as a challenge, and work on it, "they like you" she said, go back in six months and give them what they want. I didn't want to hear that at the time, so I said "NO, I will not be waisting my time with that"! Today on the tread mill, I realized that FEAR again had kicked in, and I became afraid of failure, and not being able to produce what they wanted. That fear, made my ego, turn into a fierce monster. I want to thank my friend, for the encouragement as she was so accurate. I know now, that my dream is not dead, and Simba will be mine! Thank you GOD, for giving me FAITH, and thank you sound mind, for giving me the courage to admit what was going on in my crazy head!
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ReplyDeleteI completely understand how you feel J.R. but remember you have probably never had this experience before...meaning you've gone in for an audition prepared, wowed!!! them, maybe waited a bit then recieved the job or role. Being told to come back with improvements in 6 months happens to ONLY THE BEST!!!! because when the ego is bruised that is when THE "REAL SELF" and magic can surface. Like your friend, I too encourage you to look at this come back in 6 months as way for them to see how much you've grown as a person and artist and how well you take direction. Turn this urgh!!!! to a YES!!
ReplyDeleteI LOVE YOU AND I'M PROUD OF YOU NO MATTER. It takes courage to move past the ego and that's the J.R I know.
Remember that!
Honey I totally agree with your friend. When I was reading that they asked you to sing with no virbrato it brought me back to when I went in for Aida. I had gotten called back for Aida and it was a second callback for a "work session" with the musical director and the assistant director. A 30 min callback, Acting, and really working on the music. I got the same critique about to much virbrato , too gospel. So they worked on pulling it out of me. But by the end of the work session it wasn't quite there. The feedback they gave me was to work on straight tone singing. They felt I was perfect type wise and acting, for the role, but I needed to work on my straight tone singing. I had a similar reaction because I went home and put on Heather Headly and I said to myself, she isn't singing everthing straight tone. Then I said to myself that isn't me I am not going to change my voice to fit what "Disney" wants. The 'Disney" sound. So I defeated myself. I didn't go back in for it, then it closed. I didn't have a wise friend at the time to slap me and I wasn't wise enough to slap myself either at the time. Now I do see it as a challenge. That also makes it fun. Like a game. Because situations are only how we percieve them. Change your perception , Change the situation. Bravo for being wise enough to listen to your very wise friend.
ReplyDeleteYep, you have a very wise friend (I should say 'friends' cause from reading these comments, I can see that you are surrounded by wise people)...and the fact that they are so interested in you, want to call you back in 6 months, is great. Yes, it sucks to have that initial rejection, but boo, you're gonna work on it, come back stronger with what they want, and then bam! you'll be awesome.
ReplyDeleteProud of you.